#2 - Let's Save Social Media: Entrepreneurship & Vulnerability
Accepting error and failure, showing ourselves as we truly are, is an ethical duty if we want to survive social media.
In December 2022, my company celebrated its second anniversary, coinciding with the end of a twelve-month startup acceleration program. It was time to take stock. After involving family and friends in the project, convinced that it would succeed and that we would eventually distribute dividends (clearly, I was the "fool" of the three Fs), the reality was quite different: the company wasn't generating more than it was spending, and we were running out of money. They had lost their investment, and I was going home with significant personal debt. In the video call that concluded the acceleration program (not the company, still alive), I found myself alone facing the mentors with whom I had been working for that year, and I must admit, I had grown quite fond of them.
At one point during the presentation, I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. The words wouldn't come out. Without warning, tears welled up in my eyes. Then another. And another... I couldn't stop it: I completely broke down.
I cried like I hadn't in a long time. The situation of the startup was causing me immense stress, with enormous pressure for having "lost" the money of so many close people, for not being able to steer the ship. For failing. Yes, I knew that investing involves risks. But experiencing failure firsthand is a bitter pill to swallow. This affected me in all areas, psychologically and at home with my wife and children, where the atmosphere was becoming increasingly unsustainable.
That day, I exploded, and the procession that I had been struggling to hide came to light. It was a cathartic moment. A before and after. I understood what my priorities in life were and where I shouldn't place my heart.
Throughout the show, which lasted quite a while, the more experienced mentors tried to calm me down, insisting on ending the call.
I told them no: "entrepreneurship is also this."
I'm surprised by many countries where the adventure of entrepreneurship has been normalized, becoming the aspiration of many of its citizens, and where if the venture doesn't work out, "move on to the next." Although I partly admire it, I'm concerned about a recent trend where we are all encouraged to dive into entrepreneurship as if it were a game. Watch out. We're talking about money, investors, family, real life. Not a board game. Without the necessary tools and preparation, there's too much at stake. Something hard to see if we only pay attention to the sugar-coated image we see on social media.
When I decided to start the company, everything I read was from a positive perspective. How to succeed. The secret formula. How to get rich. How I did it. Etcetera, etcetera... I only remember one book that warned me of the dangers, and I recommend it, "The Black Book of the Entrepreneur," about the wrong reasons to start a business.
I admit that my field of vision was clouded by the euphoric effect of social media. What else could I expect if all I had seen was the positive side of companies, and specifically the startups around me?
Anyone who has tried to launch a project, whether business, artistic, social, or otherwise (including having children!), knows how difficult it is. I know because, aside from family, I have launched three to date: an NGO, now dissparead; a film, still in short film format until further notice; and the aforementioned startup, which we have been battling with for over three years. And in all three there was joy, along with very difficult moments.
When you create something from scratch, it's very difficult to quantify the energy you dedicate to that project. Perhaps we can keep general accounts of the time spent, the money invested, or the material and human resources we've needed. But it's very difficult to account for the emotional strain which, on the other hand, is an essential ingredient without which the project would hardly succeed. If you don't give it your all, if you don't give yourself body and soul, the chances of success are practically nil.
The fact is that to project management, with all that entails, an added ingredient is now added, something loved and hated in equal measure, something we know can be very useful or very harmful depending on how we use it. We're talking, of course, about social media.
I think most of us can recognize that there are days when social media is tremendously useful to us, providing access to information, news, contacts, training ideas, clients, talent,... Other days, however, we don't do anything productive on them at all. These are days when, no matter how much we scroll, we don't find anything interesting, or what we see depresses us, especially when we compare how well everyone else is doing. Except for us, scrolling down, wasting time unnecessarily.
The mistake is thinking that this only happens to us. And that everyone else is doing great. That's the key.
How do we fall into this perception error?
Very simple: except for honorable exceptions, we are constantly publishing only things that are, a priori, positive. On Instagram, for example, our personal life is perfect (meals, trips, friends), and on LinkedIn, our professional side is flawless. We want to celebrate, share, project a positive image. We want our activity to generate comments to satisfy our dopamine (addiction). We already know enough about the deliberately addictive design of social media. It's a survival mechanism. We need it.
And so we have created a monster in the closet. But not all is lost.
One day I met up with a friend, and he asked me, "how are you?", and I said, "fine, can't complain," to which he replied, "yes, you can complain; if something isn't going well, you can say it without problems." That stuck with me. I didn't interpret it as an invitation to be ungrateful ("how can I complain seeing the world around me?"), but rather it opened the door to the possibility of vulnerability, to presenting a different narrative, to a story outside the common ground, assuming, ultimately, that maybe today things aren't going so well for me, that our lives, our families, our companies aren't perfect and that not everything is smooth sailing.
Normally, big fights stay at home, right? Well, in a company, it's the same. In the family photo, we always look very handsome. But, as nice as the current post may be where we talk about the wonderful revenue achieved this year, the impressive projections for the coming one, the successfully closed investment round, the great work-life balance practices, yesterday's unforgettable networking event where we had a good laugh, how happy your employees are after the team-building day in the countryside..., behind that fantasy world, there are countless business mistakes, disagreements among workers or in the boardroom, too long working days, too short vacations, dissatisfied customers, deficient software, a supplier who doesn't pay... Countless sleepless nights.
As I told my mentors: "entrepreneurship is also this." But, for some reason. We don't show it.
But why?
Until very recently, especially in the masculine realm of certain cultures, it was considered a weakness to talk about your personal problems. Remember Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins? One keeps it to oneself. At most, one discusses it with their partner, with someone very, very close... And if one had to go to the psychologist, the shrink, well, discreetly, out of embarrassment to admit it, as if it implied that we were poorly programmed, that we
Today, however, talking about mental health, practicing mindfulness, or going to a mental health specialist has become generalized and normalized. We're not ashamed to say that we're in therapy. We've humanized ourselves in that sense.
So, I insist, why don't we show ourselves as we truly are on social media?
Some are already doing it. Very few still. Not doing so, ladies and gentlemen, is lying. Or rather, hiding part of reality. And by hiding it, we convey an idyllic image, an image that doesn't reflect the truth, an image that doesn't represent you. Our avatars on LinkedIn, Instagram, or the current network, are false, they are an idyllic projection. It's what we would like to be. But, welcome to the real world: we are both sides of the coin, and denying one of the faces on social media is detrimental to health.
The potential risk is enormous because if we all do this, that is, if we all hide what we don't want to show or are ashamed to show, we are denying a part of reality that is intrinsic to ourselves, our families, our companies, and our lives.
By believing that this false reality is possible (which it isn't), social media becomes a harmful place. We convince ourselves that perfection is possible and we get frustrated when we don't achieve it.
A good friend of mine who works as a psychiatrist told me that people don't want to accept suffering as part of life. They want to avoid it at all costs, and when it arrives, as it always does, they don't have the tools to manage it. The great meditation gurus already know this: it's not about avoiding pain, but about accepting it, being aware of it. That is meditation: being aware of ourselves and our surroundings.
Therefore, the sooner we follow these two steps, the better it will go for us:
1.- Let's accept that suffering is part of our lives.
2.- Let's be vulnerable: don't be afraid to share it.
And as if it were a paradoxical mystery, that vulnerability will make us precisely more mature, stronger, more resilient.
I started this story by opening up, by telling how hard it's been for me as an entrepreneur. That, some time ago, would have embarrassed me, perhaps stemming from a toxic mindset. Not today. Because I know I'm not saying anything new. We all suffer without exception. It's just that we don't talk about it.
It's necessary to open up and tell the truth as it is because that makes us human, giving a more complete and accurate picture of ourselves. In addition to being an act of honesty, others will feel identified and won't collapse believing they are alone. They aren't. We just aren't being honest.
If we're going to continue on social media. If we want the next generations to be in a healthy environment, let's be smart, let's do it in a way that benefits us all, without projecting unrealistic, idyllic, and harmful images to project ourselves into. Let social media be a reflection of who we are, let them be real human networks.